Thread: Do Parents/Brother/Sister get less priority after marriage?

In Indian society some times we often seen that parents have lost the importance from their sons/daughters (specially son) after their marriage sometimes they have to face lots of humiliation also. But still i don't want to say about the torture because that's violation of law (those who did that they should punish) i just try to mention lots of parents feel sometime alone few sons/daughters never give enough time to them try to obey the wife's decisions in everything rather than parents.Parents are going far and far after day by day from their son/daughters mind .So called "Maya ka Bandhan" become end and parents become headache of them.

Now the condition of brother and sister become more bad.We often see brothers/sisters are quarreling each other for the partition of home or land suddenly few person become very much self-center after marriage,they become jealous with each other progress also and love of infant is disappear. Is it true ?

Personally i saw few example of that and one of them is very near relative of us but still i don't want to generalize this thing because society is very big where even i did not represent a fraction although.So what is your view an expression about that.

It also depends on the kind of upbringing the child has gone through.
One thing which is true is girls tend to be closer to their parents after marriage then boys.

For me, i have 2 bros, one is married and we all love our parents very much. I don't have any sis so i cant say much.

Originally Posted by Robdale

For me, i have 2 bros, one is married and we all love our parents very much. I don't have any sis so i cant say much.

good for your family mate,i hope to will continue for ever but still in India we sea this problem very often.

This is an interesting topic. I get to debate with rupu again ;-)
(rupu is it unconstitutional to disrespect parents after marriage? ;-))

Seriously, there are all kinds of situations. There are situations
as you desctibed where the sons listen to their wives and
ill-treat their parents. There are also sons who listen to the
parents and ill-treat their wife.

This is all the more noticeable in a joint family.
The wife being a new comer has insecurities and the
parents who are used to being in control don't want to
relinquish it and try to control their daughter-in-law.

Frank and open communication is key to resolving
these types of issues.

-F

after marriage, i believe one should make his married life priority.it does not mean neglecting the parents or siblings,but definitely the amount of interaction wth them should be reduced..

Originally Posted by farce

This is an interesting topic. I get to debate with rupu again ;-)
(rupu is it unconstitutional to disrespect parents after marriage? ;-))

this thing is not for debate friend because we can win the case in court with argument but the bonding of heart it's beyond the all logic.Love can't be bounded by law & emotion never follow the rules.So this time when we will discuss it then we will share our feelings mate.

Originally Posted by ag_prasun

after marriage, i believe one should make his married life priority.it does not mean neglecting the parents or siblings,but definitely the amount of interaction wth them should be reduced..

May be you said in logic but sometimes it's very tough for parents and specially younger brother and sister to accept it.Now married person get a new relation and transition is start in his life but from the opposite point parents/brothers/sisters are in same stage they fill alone sometimes they fill one of the family member of them going to far from their heart this is not easy for them.
How can we tell this is the obvious, how can we tell if parents/brothers feel like that we can't do anything this is the problem of them.I think who is right who is wrong that's not the matter here if our close relative is not happy from us then how we can stay happy.
So i think sometimes it become really critical and i feel that all should get the same priority and what farce said lots of complex situation can be develop,so some times it's not easy to tackle the family.

yes it is totally subjective,i can understand. but parents, being parents should realise this that after settling down,people need some alone time,since they have gone throough this phase themselves..

"Love is the beauty of the soul". And i don't think that after we get married, we should think of getting alone for some time. Actually, when we get married parents are at the stage that we should understand them and they too deserve the share the happiness with us. From a baby age till we get mature, they never gave us space, just because we should not feel alone and not get depressed. Then, why should we think like that? They dont expect any other thing except love.
Of course we have our life, but the life we have got is because of them. And we should value it.

Well its all up to the individual...For me, my parents/sisters & my wife are like my two eyes...Equal priority should be given to both your parents & spouse.

Absolutely, both are equally important, if you group them in two (never do that) the first group i.e. your family before marriage is responsible for what you are while the second group (i.e. only one wife) is responsible for what you gonna be in you life.

Agree?

Originally Posted by farce

This is all the more noticeable in a joint family.
The wife being a new comer has insecurities and the
parents who are used to being in control don't want to
relinquish it and try to control their daughter-in-law.

Frank and open communication is key to resolving
these types of issues.

Bingo mate, that is so damn true, Wife is totally insecure in the new surroundings and everything the in laws does seems suspicious to her, the mother on the hand is wary that is there is a new woman in her son's life and might instigate her own son against her. To top this, if there is a sister, she might get special attention from mom which the wife might resent because she might not being getting the same amount of attention from the mom. The person stuck in between all this is the son who cannot take sides neither can he support one of them.


One thing to be remembered is that, we need to support the person who we feel is doing the right thing, regardless of whether it is the mom, dad, sis or the wife.

I agree to Manish, both has equal importance in life. Also, if the wife feels insecure no matter, but the mother should be understanding. And when all gets understanding life will be full of wonderful surprises.

@ Ramesh - oh my god i never knew you were married!

Well i personally think that no one should change themselves or the way they feel for their parents or siblings even after marriage, i don't see a reason why it should be changed!

I know i wont change my love or respect for anyone after marriage. But i think kind of situation applies more to men, as its the girl who moves into the family and not the boy really!

When i get married i wont expect my husband to change his love or respect for his parents either, yes i would stand to be someone important in his life so i would expect love and caring from him, because i would be new in the family but i would still think he should be the same with the rest of his family.

@ Manish - i agree with what you say, and sometimes parents may get the wrong idea too, as the husband becomes close to another person his wife, and comforts her as she is new in the family! Wife and family are as important and husband is important to wife too! Although wife may be different group to parents and siblings, but care and respect for both should be same!

Originally Posted by Rameshjeee

Well its all up to the individual...For me, my parents/sisters & my wife are like my two eyes...Equal priority should be given to both your parents & spouse.

totally but i feel its also important for the wife to understnd his husband n not try to take her away from his parents....like i ve seen.....in my relatives....a couple is married for some years say 4-5 n now all of a sudden for no reason the son-wife wants to move out....so tht the wife doesnt have to do the house work....i mean tht is sucha dumb reason to break apart the famiyl.....the guys parents r soo nice that the wife doesnt even have to do ny bit.....the wife is working thru the week n sumtimes she might ve to cook....prolly when the maid isnt there.....i mean definately tht can b done once in a way.....

Originally Posted by Preeti_20

@ Ramesh - oh my god i never knew you were married!

Well i personally think that no one should change themselves or the way they feel for their parents or siblings even after marriage, i don't see a reason why it should be changed!

I know i wont change my love or respect for anyone after marriage. But i think kind of situation applies more to men, as its the girl who moves into the family and not the boy really!

When i get married i wont expect my husband to change his love or respect for his parents either, yes i would stand to be someone important in his life so i would expect love and caring from him, because i would be new in the family but i would still think he should be the same with the rest of his family.

@ Manish - i agree with what you say, and sometimes parents may get the wrong idea too, as the husband becomes close to another person his wife, and comforts her as she is new in the family! Wife and family are as important and husband is important to wife too! Although wife may be different group to parents and siblings, but care and respect for both should be same!

u r absolutely right preeti......!!!!

Originally Posted by aashaka_gandhi

u r absolutely right preeti......!!!!

n preeti agrees wid me, so means Im also right

Originally Posted by Manish

Absolutely, both are equally important, if you group them in two (never do that) the first group i.e. your family before marriage is responsible for what you are while the second group (i.e. only one wife) is responsible for what you gonna be in you life.

Agree?

Originally Posted by Manish

n preeti agrees wid me, so means Im also right

Yes Manish i think you are right.No group division for family sometimes few people try to divide such way and problem arise from that point.But from my experience i can say this thing is also depended on the wife & and other family member also.i have seen few wife where they try to create her husband as self center by her convincing power and opposite thing is also possible from other family member sides.

yeah rupu, i know what are you talking about, and y blame only wife? All Saas-Bahu crap

Originally Posted by Rameshjeee

.For me, my parents/sisters & my wife are like my two eyes...Equal priority should be given to both your parents & spouse.

Well, that would be fair if you were Lord Shiva ;-)

now you are giving 50% priority to wife (one whole eye)
and 25% priority to your father and mother (share the other eye)

-F

Originally Posted by Manish

n preeti agrees wid me, so means Im also right

yea yeah manish!!!

Originally Posted by Manish

yeah rupu, i know what are you talking about, and y blame only wife? All Saas-Bahu crap

well one of the main reasons for all these crappy things n issues is these daily soaps.....a lot of females usually look upto these characters n inturn some of it reflects......

i ve seen it at my place....like my mom...the only one used to watch some of these soaps regularly.....n after sumtime....we cud make out a very minimal reflections....but thnkfully.....we got tht n now all of us sit togather n watch better off shows or go out or discuss ......! atleast my mom doesnt get much time these days n the main one now i remmeber was kyunki saas bhi ....n kahani were the main ones....!!! now atleast i guess these soaps aint tht bad....!

Originally Posted by farce

Well, that would be fair if you were Lord Shiva ;-)

now you are giving 50% priority to wife (one whole eye)
and 25% priority to your father and mother (share the other eye)

-F

LOL.....

i think we all should respect our parents more than anyone else in this world ... i dont really understand why such things happen in our society .. its very sad ... movies like baghban are eye-openers for youngsters

Originally Posted by aashaka_gandhi

well one of the main reasons for all these crappy things n issues is these daily soaps.....a lot of females usually look upto these characters n inturn some of it reflects......

Ditto (aaka's copyright)

I totally agrees with your point

Siding with your mom would earn you the title "mama's boy" while pandering to your wife would make you a "bibi ka ghulam". It is a tough balance to keep. However, as much it is the son's duty to alienate no one, it is also important that neither the parents nor the wife create any situation where the son has to take sides.

Originally Posted by saurav_kataruka

i think we all should respect our parents more than anyone else in this world ... i dont really understand why such things happen in our society .. its very sad ... movies like baghban are eye-openers for youngsters

Respect the parents more than anyone else in the world? Ok it may sound good until the boy/girl is married. After that, personally i think more weightage should be given to the life partner.

Originally Posted by udayan

Siding with your mom would earn you the title "mama's boy" while pandering to your wife would make you a "bibi ka ghulam". It is a tough balance to keep. However, as much it is the son's duty to alienate no one, it is also important that neither the parents nor the wife create any situation where the son has to take sides.

being a married man, i can understand the balance thing. I agree sometimes it become really tought to maintain that

Originally Posted by cool_techie_tvm

Respect the parents more than anyone else in the world? Ok it may sound good until the boy/girl is married. After that, personally i think more weightage should be given to the life partner.

Don't think that way techie, it shouldn't be like this dude, both should be treated equally unbiased.