Thread: Marriage

Another similar thread, but with a different side to it!
I'm at an age of getting married or should be married, but i don't want to!

I personally find marriage too risky in life! Although you can find a person who you know before, but you don't know whats going to happen afterward's, whether he will change, be violent with you, stop you from doing things in life!

I'm a very ambitious person and love living the way i like, and then adjusting to someone else lifestyle will be difficult. I don't want to be the typical wife, who cooks and cleans and doesn't have time for herself, to learn new things, as there is a lot i want to do in my life!

From couples i have seen around that, once a girl gets married, her ambitions are over, they have no priority, and you wont find the husband saying 'oh why don't you focus on your career or focus on a hobby you like'. Instead it will be come home from work (that's if he lets me continue with work) cook food, clean, watch tv and go to sleep. Its not always this case, but how can you take a chance, after all life is very precious and its about you and i have the feeling that after marriage its only about the husband and in laws, how to keep them all happy. If you want something for yourself then its a big thing!!!!!!!!! Ive never known any husband to make dinner in turns with his wife, or help her out, I haven't seen or heard or any husband who helps his wife clean the house or prevents it from being dirty, the only one man i know is my uncle and there may be other exceptions (like one in a million).

I want a husband who want think equally to me, and treat me equally and not think hes better and I'm a women, so I do all the housework and I have no life! Maybe because Ive done things my way so if i had to stop all this it would just be really difficult!

I'm only seeing disadvantages in marriage for me and think why should i even take the risk, when I'm perfectly happy the way I am. Currently I go out when I want, meet whoever I want, eat what I want, drink what I want, call who ever I want!

So I want to forget marriage and just be the way I am!

Is it so necessary to get married?? Why?

What do you think about marriage?

****THIS IS NOTHING AGAINST MEN (I HAVE MALE FRIENDS TOO) OR MARRIAGE, JUST MY THOUGHTS AND VIEWS****

You'll be fine, don't worry.

Make sure you talk about all this to the prospective groom.

Don't over-analyze this



Good Luck.

-F

@preeti

I personally find marriage too risky in life! Although you can find a person who you know before, but you don't know whats going to happen afterward's, whether he will change, be violent with you, stop you from doing things in life!

This is the beauty of life. If u know everything in advance then what is the joy of life? everything will be mechanical just like declaring the winning team before game!!

farce is right. Just don't worry so much.
And you have to note that the words above are from a man who has lived some life.

Just do it!

well if someone so paranoid but really interested in some guy/gal, they should find some private detectives who do this kind of background search and what not. Ofcourse nothing is fool proof in life.

PS: I'm not joking.

Originally Posted by newprouser

well if someone so paranoid but really interested in some guy/gal, they should find some private detectives who do this kind of background search and what not. Ofcourse nothing is fool proof in life.

PS: I'm not joking.

I understood that. This is just "usual" here.

Originally Posted by dhaneshv

I understood that. This is just "usual" here.

:001_tongue:

Originally Posted by Preeti_20

From couples i have seen around that, once a girl gets married, her ambitions are over, they have no priority, and you wont find the husband saying 'oh why don't you focus on your career or focus on a hobby you like'. Instead it will be come home from work (that's if he lets me continue with work) cook food, clean, watch tv and go to sleep.

Ive never known any husband to make dinner in turns with his wife, or help her out, I haven't seen or heard or any husband who helps his wife clean the house or prevents it from being dirty, the only one man i know is my uncle and there may be other exceptions (like one in a million).

Any boy who has/had a working mother and comes from a nuclear family knows how to cook, and most probably would be a better cook than u (unless u had a working mother too). In fact, he might become afraid of your cooking and insist on cooking diner every time. He would also understand the benefits of both partners working and would surely encourage u to develop your career.

As far as cleaning the house is concerned, well, no man likes that, if he likes cleaning the house and everything, there are high chances of him turning gay

I want a husband who want think equally to me, and treat me equally and not think hes better and I'm a women, so I do all the housework and I have no life! Maybe because Ive done things my way so if i had to stop all this it would just be really difficult!

A good marriage is one where both partners respect and look up to each other. As long as u are willing to take full responsibilities and perform them efficiently, your husband would also think and treat u as an equal and not think hes better. But if u decide to act the petite little thing and shunt all responsibilities to your husband, naturally u would be treated like a child who is to be pampered but not to be treated as an equal. So its up to u to decide what position u want to take in your relationship.

I'm only seeing disadvantages in marriage for me and think why should i even take the risk, when I'm perfectly happy the way I am. Currently I go out when I want, meet whoever I want, eat what I want, drink what I want, call who ever I want!

So I want to forget marriage and just be the way I am!

Is it so necessary to get married?? Why?

Marriage is the natural progression of life. unless of course u decide to become a sanyasin or a guru. After a certain age u would feel the need for a companion and a confidante, and u would find that all your friends/siblings/cousins are busy with their own family, your parents are possibly no longer living or are quite out of sync to offer much help for your problems and u are all alone.

Beyond 30, u would also yearn to be a parent. Without marriage, u also would miss the wonderful feelings of motherhood. U can of course adopt a child, but the chances of success for a single parent is very slim unless u are a filmstar or other celebrity. And adoption can never match the joys of feeling your baby grow inside u and watching her take birth and then grow one day at a time.

So choose cautiously and choose well but do take the plunge.

@all
Why do you guys think marriage is necessary ?

Why not concentrate on your career ?

Even if your spouse decides to allow you to chase your ambitions without any inhibition ... there is a fat chance the relationship is going to break

With relationship comes responsibility

imo if you want to get married again (yeah again) you ll have to divorce your ambitions ...... as far as i know there is no way you can spend time with your family + invest a lot of time on your career/work

Originally Posted by ShAdOwCoN

With relationship comes responsibility

So are u afraid of it?

Any Management book would tell u about the theory of hierarchy of needs.
Between 20-35, u are primarily guided by your needs to achieve a position in life i.e. to earn name, fame and money. But then by the time u turn 35/40, u gradually get satiated and also tired in your pursuit of a career. The work pressure results in high BP, cholestrol, depression and other maladies. Then u yearn for the confort of your loved ones more than your career. By the time u are over 45, your priorities change, and the basic genetic formula working deep inside u creates the urge to leave a continual mark on this planet even after u die, in the form of a successful next generation. But by that time, it may be too late.

Originally Posted by panchabhut

So are u afraid of it?

Dont have the time

Any Management book would tell u about the theory of hierarchy of needs.

Maslow's Hierarchy of needs

if you had read the disadvantages of Maslow's Hierarchy you would have read about Wahba and Bridgewell's research which showed that his hierarchy was not applicable to many people .

Between 20-35, u are primarily guided by your needs to achieve a position in life i.e. to earn name, fame and money.

yes

But then by the time u turn 35/40, u gradually get satiated and also tired in your pursuit of a career. The work pressure results in high BP, cholestrol, depression and other maladies. Then u yearn for the confort of your loved ones more than your career.

This is typical of only people who are not happy with their work and those who work in fields which are not their interest and because of your previous pursuit of money and fame you may also find yourself divorced and married quiet a few times thus making your position worser

By the time u are over 45, your priorities change, and the basic genetic formula working deep inside u creates the urge to leave a continual mark on this planet even after u die, in the form of a successful next generation. But by that time, it may be too late.

Edit :
Again this does not apply to all ...... some ppl decide not to have children too right ?

Preeti a very well kept point......even i am facing the same things....but yes i am wanting to marry to someone with my own choice so that on a later date i dont repent. Obviously i ll make a decision once I ve understood him n he has understood me n when we r ready to live togather n make a commitment.

I would say its not only the girls who make adjustments in life, even the guy whom u r getting married too makes adjustments, involves u in his life, family, frens, with all the trust n respect. About career n ambitions.....i dont think so guys whom we would select would want a girl who would jus cook n clean n do house hold chores....i m sure thy dont want a girl to be in the house....!

spending life alone....till when ???? right now u can live ur life, u ve got frens, u make new frens, ve got cousins n family to go out with, work.....but with time.......u would need that special person to share ur feelings, emotions, thoughts, and most of all.....ur body needs as well...

i kno wht u r facing thru n even i get irritated at times when ppl come n ask me ...i mean y cant thy bother with their own life....so i decided to ans them saying......whenever i find my special one or when i m gonna get married i ll def call u n let u all kno....coz i would love to do so.....!

u can also check my thread under this same section......how do we select a husband or wife ??

Originally Posted by ShAdOwCoN

Again this does not apply to all ...... some ppl decide not to have children too right ?

Just ask any of them, how they feel about it.
BTW till date I have not come across any who decided by their own chioice not to have a child.

Originally Posted by aashaka_gandhi

spending life alone....till when ???? right now u can live ur life, u ve got frens, u make new frens, ve got cousins n family to go out with, work.....but with time.......u would need that special person to share ur feelings, emotions, thoughts, and most of all.....ur body needs as well...

absolutely

^ what makes u think ppl will stop having ambitions at the age of 40-50 ?

i have seen a lot of ppl like that my self .... but i like to point out that they never had big dreams even when they were younger ..... and if they did they decided not to follow it

generally very ambitious ppl tend to remain that way for a lifetime ..... also because their work keeps varying (they dont remain in the same pos for long+ they also tend be involved in a lot of extra curricular activities) they dont have to feel bored out of it

Originally Posted by panchabhut

Just ask any of them, how they feel about it.
BTW till date I have not come across any who decided by their own chioice not to have a child.

some of them are my friends .... it was a mutual decision taken consciously

Originally Posted by aashaka_gandhi

spending life alone....till when ???? right now u can live ur life, u ve got frens, u make new frens, ve got cousins n family to go out with, work.....but with time.......u would need that special person to share ur feelings, emotions, thoughts, and most of all.....ur body needs as well...

so when you turn 40 your friends will leave you , you become a grumpy old man/woman who does nt make new friends ... your cousins and family die out

is that what you are saying ?

^^
I agree there are people like Ratan Tata, AB Bajpayee and APJA Kalam and Narandra Modi.
But their career achievements have been so extremely outstanding that they never felt the need for anything else.
But such people are only exceptions to the rule rather than the rule itself.

so when you turn 40 your friends will leave you , you become a grumpy old man/woman who does nt make new friends ... your cousins and family die out

nope, its just that you are no longer on their primary list of priorities. and most of your friend circle would also be of people with family, so u would feel the odd man out.

yes ppl with big ambitions fall into that category

but you never get the chance of hearing non-celebrities who are not covered by the media who choose to live that way ? ..... there may be a lot of ppl like that u may never know of ?

Originally Posted by panchabhut

^^
nope, its just that you are no longer on their primary list of priorities. and most of your friend circle would also be of people with family, so u would feel the odd man out.

should we dependent on somebody ?

If you have chosen career as your first priority .... u wont anyway have much time to just hang out with your friends even if they were available ?

well every body has the right to their own beliefs. and I respect that.
but just one question, how many such "common" people beyond 60 have you seen. I have seen quite a few, and believe me, they only had regrets, even after achieving the Board level of top noch companies.

Originally Posted by panchabhut

Just ask any of them, how they feel about it.
BTW till date I have not come across any who decided by their own chioice not to have a child.


absolutely

thnks....

Originally Posted by panchabhut

^^
I agree there are people like Ratan Tata, AB Bajpayee and APJA Kalam and Narandra Modi.
But their career achievements have been so extremely outstanding that they never felt the need for anything else.
But such people are only exceptions to the rule rather than the rule itself.


nope, its just that you are no longer on their primary list of priorities. and most of your friend circle would also be of people with family, so u would feel the odd man out.

yes i soo very much agree with you....prolly these are some 0.05% of ppl.....
yes makes u feel very weird .....actually....

i mean even now...like wheneva i go out with some frens like one of my group till last year we were all singles n this year two of my guy frens got married.....ofcourse its a diff thing for rest 5 of us......! at times u also feel like i shud also get married to my mr/miss right....

Originally Posted by ShAdOwCoN

yes ppl with big ambitions fall into that category

but you never get the chance of hearing non-celebrities who are not covered by the media who choose to live that way ? ..... there may be a lot of ppl like that u may never know of ?



should we dependent on somebody ?

If you have chosen career as your first priority .... u wont anyway have much time to just hang out with your friends even if they were available ?

yes there might be a lot of ppl who r single n ve chosen career ....but even one fine day there ll b no one ...not even career after a certain point in life.....

well who says tht getting married is like u become dependent......thts so not true...i m sure a lot of guys want their wifes to study further, pursue their ambitions, go ahead with career, common........

but at times theres an issue due to this called EGO ......most of the times work related as to the wifes gone ahead than the husband n stuff......

so in all find a person who is compatible with u in various situations....take ur own time to find tht right one in ur life

Lifes a risk ....take it or leave it!!!!!! so is marriage!

Originally Posted by panchabhut

well every body has the right to their own beliefs. and I respect that.
but just one question, how many such "common" people beyond 60 have you seen. I have seen quite a few, and believe me, they only had regrets, even after achieving the Board level of top noch companies.

pretty much true

Originally Posted by aashaka_gandhi

well who says tht getting married is like u become dependent......thts so not true...i m sure a lot of guys want their wifes to study further, pursue their ambitions, go ahead with career, common........

but at times theres an issue due to this called EGO ......most of the times work related as to the wifes gone ahead than the husband n stuff......

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Originally Posted by panchabhut

well every body has the right to their own beliefs. and I respect that.
but just one question, how many such "common" people beyond 60 have you seen. I have seen quite a few, and believe me, they only had regrets, even after achieving the Board level of top noch companies.

And i have seen a lot of people who have divorced 2+ times because they jumped into a marriage without a plan ........
They are the least happiest


what i am saying is you cant have your legs in 2 boats ...... you cannot have a successful career and a family .... the rising divorces in India are an example to that

i feel the same too...
i think man and woman must be truthful to each other..
and must tell even if they feel bad when one of the two is feeling bad of some cause( ego sort of)

that wil help for sure..

Originally Posted by ShAdOwCoN

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

what i am saying is you cant have your legs in 2 boats ...... you cannot have a successful career and a family .... the rising divorces in India are an example to that

the first part is itself the answer to the second part.

the primary cause of raising divorce rate in India is that most of the present generation are afraid of taking responsibility and are unwilling to see the others point of view or gracefully accept defeat. They forget that competition should be left in the career field only and should not be brought back home.

Unfortunately the very same unwillingness in taking responsibility hits hard in the career field also when they reach the level when more than the qualitative skills, the adminsitrative skills matter and only those who are willing to take responsibilitites can proceed further.

in fact those who are successful in their career fields are also generally quite happy in their family life. almost all top business heads of India are happily married and also have children. most of their wives also are celebrity or successful career women in their own right.

@ panchabhut - responsibility is fine, but as long as bot take it up and not just me.

Originally Posted by farce

You'll be fine, don't worry.

Make sure you talk about all this to the prospective groom.

Good Luck.

-F

hmm, well here it comes again, i should be able to talk to my future husband about anything and everything.........shouldnt I?

Originally Posted by sujithsukrutham

@preeti



This is the beauty of life. If u know everything in advance then what is the joy of life? everything will be mechanical just like declaring the winning team before game!!

How do i know that the beauty wont turn out to be a big disaster, and make things even worse???

Originally Posted by aashaka_gandhi

Preeti a very well kept point......even i am facing the same things....but yes i am wanting to marry to someone with my own choice so that on a later date i dont repent. Obviously i ll make a decision once I ve understood him n he has understood me n when we r ready to live togather n make a commitment.

I would say its not only the girls who make adjustments in life, even the guy whom u r getting married too makes adjustments, involves u in his life, family, frens, with all the trust n respect. About career n ambitions.....i dont think so guys whom we would select would want a girl who would jus cook n clean n do house hold chores....i m sure thy dont want a girl to be in the house....!

spending life alone....till when ???? right now u can live ur life, u ve got frens, u make new frens, ve got cousins n family to go out with, work.....but with time.......u would need that special person to share ur feelings, emotions, thoughts, and most of all.....ur body needs as well...

i kno wht u r facing thru n even i get irritated at times when ppl come n ask me ...i mean y cant thy bother with their own life....so i decided to ans them saying......whenever i find my special one or when i m gonna get married i ll def call u n let u all kno....coz i would love to do so.....!

u can also check my thread under this same section......how do we select a husband or wife ??

thanks Aashaka, least i have someone who understands what im going through, but the difference is you want to get married and i dont want to!

thanks for all the tips and advice people!

I want to focus on my career and i know when marriage comes up, i will have to make commitments, and then my career is over....yes men also make commitments, but regarding career theirs carries on.

Although i can find a man who has been in a household where his mother has been working, but i cant go around looking for a man and ask him all this, love has something to do with it doesnt it

Originally Posted by Preeti_20

@

hmm, well here it comes again, i should be able to talk to my future husband about anything and everything.........shouldnt I?

Sure, you should, why not?

-F

Well Preeti, i think you should get married and just get over the fear! Its true what you said you don't know how marriage life will be or what your husband will be like, but face the fact no one stays exactly the same after an change occurs in life and in this case marriage occurring. You don't also have any guarantee for anything else in life, you don't know what tomorrows day hold for you, where you will be living, and therefore marriage is something which takes place in life, and just go with the flow of this change.
However how the marriage turns out to be depends much on you too, how you take it and adapt to it. Obviously talking to your partner before marriage is the best option and explaining what you want is important and that's the only way to clear things out, just thinking what will happen wont do. Be clear and precise with your partner and talk to him which is important and he will talk to you and tell you what he thinks, and take things from there.

Marriage is a beautiful thing, and the changes that happen in life are for a reason and always give you the best returns.

Try looking on the brighter side of marriage then the negatives and you will see a clearer picture.

Originally Posted by Preeti_20

@ panchabhut - responsibility is fine, but as long as bot take it up and not just me.



hmm, well here it comes again, i should be able to talk to my future husband about anything and everything.........shouldnt I?



How do i know that the beauty wont turn out to be a big disaster, and make things even worse???



thanks Aashaka, least i have someone who understands what im going through, but the difference is you want to get married and i dont want to!

thanks for all the tips and advice people!

I want to focus on my career and i know when marriage comes up, i will have to make commitments, and then my career is over....yes men also make commitments, but regarding career theirs carries on.

Although i can find a man who has been in a household where his mother has been working, but i cant go around looking for a man and ask him all this, love has something to do with it doesnt it

Preeti ....its not tht i want to get married...but tht remains one of the facts of our life. I def need tht someone special with whom i can talk, share my feelings & emotions, who understnds me, supports me, takes care of me & my family, etc etc....n vice versa.....

there r a lot of things in life....n with time n all....u will need that someone

Most of us normal human being needs this.....prolly not at the moment but later down the life. u ve to b connected ...i am not saying get married or stuff.....but u can jus find tht special one n stay with him.....wheneva u find one....!