Thread: Poems & Stories by L.S.

Keep it up, Luke. Rep is pending.

Originally Posted by Luke Skywalker

My third poem:

Man losing his way:

I am not big into poetry but the concept seems good.
but a few things can you explain?

Realise I what observe I don't <- what do you mean?

Does sky of angels left our land <- "did sky of angels leave our land" ?

Saw everywhere I only jungles, <- needs restructuring

A jungle which I had not notice before <- noticed

Realize that angels don't come to selfish. <- meaning?

Since when he lost his altruism better than angels? <- could be restructured?

thanks
PB

Originally Posted by Punch Bala

I am not big into poetry but the concept seems good.
but a few things can you explain?

1.Realise I what observe I don't <- what do you mean?

2.Does sky of angels left our land <- "did sky of angels leave our land" ?

3Saw everywhere I only jungles, <- needs restructuring

4A jungle which I had not notice before <- noticed

5Realize that angels don't come to selfish. <- meaning?

6Since when he lost his altruism better than angels? <- could be restructured?

thanks
PB

1. I edited it. That was a mistake in typing.
2. Thanks. I changed 'does' to 'had'.
3. Help me on that. Would 'everywhere I saw only jungles' is right.
4. Thanks.
5. It means that angels don't truck with selfish. Here by angels I mean nature gifts like birds , animals e.t.c.
6. I meant to say that humans were better than angels.

My fourth Poems:

Confrontations & Realisations of Mine

Confronted by questions once I was,
Why should I speak the truth?
Why should be honest?
Why should I fight for justice?
Why should be an altruist?

Confronted I always have been by questions,
Why should I have ethics?
What is the harm in not having them?
What is there to gain by them?
Why should I follow the paths of adversity?

Decided that follow the company of my fellows unquestioningly,
But one day while observing nature's creations,
I started to feels their glory and sacrifice,
Saw I sun ending its life to give light,
Sky at unattainable heights.

Struck by realisation I was that day,
Matched I have to not my fellows but sun and sky,
Human glory have come & gone but it had survived.
If my visions have to survived myself,
then prepared my self like all visionary to sacrifice.

PS: Copyright rules apply to this also as to all my previous poems.

Reply whether anyone like it. Also I need criticism.

3 Saw everywhere I only jungles, <- needs restructuring

Originally Posted by Luke Skywalker

3. Help me on that. Would 'everywhere I saw only jungles' is right.
.

that would be good and correct in prose but in your poem I think

"everywhere, only jungles I saw" would work very well there.

-PF

India Wins Freedom

Sixty-two years ago we got Independence,
Start of a new chapter in our history it was.
For first time since centuries we were free,
Free to walk on our own destiny path.

See we can in eyes of other again,
Seen we were walking tall again.
For a fallen nation had rose again,
For taken rebirth had our nation.

Passed much water had since then,
Passage through time had blurred memories.
But sparks of that moment had still there,
Burning in the deep abyss of hearts of ours.

Forget if we spirit of our heroes,
Fall is assured of our rising force.
Refreshed we should those ideals,
Recall we should that invincible spirit.

Differences of our should never divide us,
Bring opposition should light and diversity.
Promise to never let our nation fall again,
Promise to safeguard the freedom ever.


PS: Like all previous poems of mine, copyright issues which apply are here same.

Nice One L.S.

Great one L.S..
rep karna ka dil karta hai kabhi kabhi...

Originally Posted by mickey

rep karna ka dil karta hai kabhi kabhi...

:lol: This is funny

All criticisms are welcome. I need them to improve my style. This poem is full of refrains. In fact it is a nursery rhyme by me for Indian students. I want to change last two lines. Please somebody help me.

My sixth poem:
Define Freedom No One Can

Define freedom no soul ever can,
Exists it,
When without fear opine which hurt none can,
When equality exists in not some places but all ,
When provided same opportunity is for all.

Define freedom no soul ever can,
Exists it,
When no dividing factors exist can.
Like color , race , caste , gender ,religion,
Like creed , sect , birth , disease , region.

Define freedom no soul ever can,
Freedom humanity can attain fully never can.
Struggling for freedom is sign of humanity itself,
Your freedom will be achieve by your own self.

Define freedom no soul ever can,
Involve changing perception it can.
When you look on somebody define him human,
When making rights believe every as human.

good poem. let me see if I can review the last two lines.

for now "everyone is human" is correct in the last line.

-F