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Poems & Stories by L.S.

  1. #1
    Jedi knight Luke Skywalker's Avatar
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    Default Poems & Stories by L.S.

    In this thread I will be writing poems & created by me. Also I might create a story in future also.

    My First Poem:

    Paths

    Paths I have taken in time long gone,
    Paths of mine have brought knowledge of their own.

    Will this journey finish before I end,
    Will I get what is my aim & ends.

    Bringing seclusion these paths to me have,
    Bringing serenity these to me also have.

    Sometime they bring unfathomable happiness,
    Sometime they bring unfathomable sadness.

    Seen the other paths that I not took I have,
    Seen the other people on these paths I have.

    Made me knowledgeable they have,
    Made me ignorant they also have.

    O Paths ! Am I nearing your end ,
    O Paths ! Satisfied will you till my end?

    O Creator ! Let me be firm on these paths,
    O Creator ! Let me succeed on these paths.

    To whom should I pass my gains,
    To whom should I pass my pains.


    -Luke Skywalker ( A pseudonym)

    Note: I have said paths not path as one take many at one time not one.

    This or part of this should not be reproduced with acknowledgement that it had been created by Luke Skywalker of IBF. It might have taken 30 minutes to create but I have to pass that emotional state which gave me inspiration to write it. You might not like how I have reached that state. It is too easy to steal other works as your own but when it happens to you , you will know how it feels. I will even sue you for that.

    All criticism & praise are encouraged till now. I might change that rule later if I found out that people are trashing this thread.
    Last edited by Luke Skywalker; 12th August 2009 at 09:25 AM.

  2. #2
    Vikram09
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    Good poem Luke Skywalker
    anyway you have tried to see the life in your way and also you have tried to put your philosophical angle about life in your poem which is good.
    No criticism is needed in your poem because everyone has their own unique way to see each phenomena of the universe you saw the life in your own style that's enough also you have explained it fine way in poem.
    You have open few new dimension of life paths that really superb

  3. #3
    Jedi knight Luke Skywalker's Avatar
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    Thanks. But I wanted to know about my writing style. & there is always room for improvement in style.

  4. #4
    Vikram09
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luke Skywalker View Post
    Thanks. But I wanted to know about my writing style. & there is always room for improvement in style.
    You can do it best by yourself
    who am I (or we) will interfere in your imagination ?

  5. #5
    Pri_dm
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    Its a good one.

  6. #6
    saurav_k
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    reps + ... nice

  7. #7
    Platinum Member mickey's Avatar
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    Nice poem Luke.
    job takes the child away.

  8. #8
    Jedi knight Luke Skywalker's Avatar
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    This poem is really written in quick & dirty style. Want to know genuinely how it is. I made it in 30 minutes without any appropriate inspiration.

    My Fellows

    Understanding my fellows started I have,
    Understanding them fully I not have.
    My fellows too are starting to understand me,
    My fellows still not have understand me.

    Hurt sometimes I have their feelings,
    Hurt sometimes they my feelings.
    Prejudices they have of me,
    Prejudices that might not be true of me.

    Mad I think I made them,
    Sad sometime I made them.
    Mad I am sometime seeing their comments,
    Sad I am sometime seeing their comments.

    Change they might see in me,
    Change that is understanding in and of me.
    Joys I get here which generally I don't
    Enjoy my stay at one place which usually I don't.

    Hurt I don't want to cause to any one.
    Hurt I still have cause many one.
    Want to remove I the ignorance at IBF,
    Want to see I grow and rise IBF.

    Apologize I always have for wrongs I commit,
    Apologize for wrongs which I might commit.
    I tell you all intentions are what matter always,
    I tell you all intentions of mine have been good always.

    Luke Skywalker ( A pseudonym)

    Same copyright apply here also as in my previous poem.

  9. #9
    Pri_dm
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    Nice one luke but i have noticed one thing you follow the aa rhythmic pattern the previous one was completely aa this one is aabb.


    P.S. Pending rep

  10. #10
    Jedi knight Luke Skywalker's Avatar
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    I always try to fix a pattern & number of syllable in a line. But achieving pattern is easier than number of words.

  11. #11
    Pri_dm
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luke Skywalker View Post
    I always try to fix a pattern & number of syllable in a line. But achieving pattern is easier than number of words.
    Well one piece of advice though i am not good in poetry try not using a fixed pattern any word that comes out can be poetry with proper usage of words even if they are not in rhythmic form.

  12. #12
    Alligator itsmemad's Avatar
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    I'm a noob when it comes to poetry... Wots this aa & aabb?

    I just have a suggestion for L.S.... Why don't you use the blog feature of the forum for your poems? I guess that will be a better option...

  13. #13
    Jedi knight Luke Skywalker's Avatar
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    That is a different style. It takes much practice & time. Will write in that sometime when I have more time. I made this one in break of 60 minutes in which I wrote 2 poems. One of 38 lines which is still unfinished.

  14. #14
    Pri_dm
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luke Skywalker View Post
    That is a different style. It takes much practice & time. Will write in that sometime when I have more time. I made this one in break of 60 minutes in which I wrote 2 poems. One of 38 lines which is still unfinished.
    i see well will show you few of mine someday. Though i dont post my poetry anywhere except one place.

  15. #15
    Jedi knight Luke Skywalker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by itsmemad View Post
    I'm a noob when it comes to poetry... Wots this aa & aabb?

    I just have a suggestion for L.S.... Why don't you use the blog feature of the forum for your poems? I guess that will be a better option...
    My last syllable letter are fixed.
    I think people visit threads more than blogs.

    Also I don't know much about blog thing. My knowledge of computers in things not related to me is like Sherlock Holmes knowledge of other fields.
    Last edited by Luke Skywalker; 12th August 2009 at 09:47 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

  16. #16
    Sid
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    Nice Poem L.S.

  17. #17
    meetdilip
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    You wrote them ?:4:

  18. #18
    Guardian Angel just4kix's Avatar
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    @luke, Kudos. Much promise in you, I see.

    However the second poem is a bit of an alliteration.
    *** Never argue with an idiot. ***

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  19. #19
    Jedi knight Luke Skywalker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by meetdilip View Post
    You wrote them ?:4:
    Yes.
    Quote Originally Posted by just4kix View Post
    @luke, Kudos. Much promise in you, I see.

    However the second poem is a bit of an alliteration.
    That's why I say it Quick & dirty style.

  20. #20
    Dragon
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    Good attempts Luke :thumbup:

    I am too novice to comment

  21. #21
    Jedi knight Luke Skywalker's Avatar
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    My third poem:

    Man losing his way:

    One day walking under the sun,
    My eyes turn towards the sky.
    Realise I what observe I don't before,
    Saw sky and land without horizon.

    Turn my head from corner to corner ,
    But successful in seeing a bird I was not.
    Where had the birds gone?
    Had sky of angels left our land?

    Everywhere I saw a jungle,
    A jungle which I had not noticed before.
    Perhaps more selfish turn I have,
    Realize that angels don't come to selfish.

    Why had humans broken their bond with nature?
    Why had he turn from beautiful angels?
    Tell me when he started to lose his way?
    Since when he lost his altruism better than angels?

    Note : I use angels for many things here . It is used in figurative sense. Same conditions of copyright apply here as in earlier poems of mine. These poems can be use in books without my permission.
    Last edited by Luke Skywalker; 14th August 2009 at 07:59 PM.

  22. #22
    Pri_dm
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    Good one luke :-)

  23. #23
    Jedi knight Luke Skywalker's Avatar
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    I use a different style here.

  24. #24
    Pri_dm
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luke Skywalker View Post
    I use a different style here.
    I have noticed it :-)

  25. #25
    Swifty
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    Nice Poems Luke
    Keep it up

  26. #26
    Alligator itsmemad's Avatar
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    Keep it up, Luke. Rep is pending.

  27. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luke Skywalker View Post
    My third poem:

    Man losing his way:

    I am not big into poetry but the concept seems good.
    but a few things can you explain?

    Realise I what observe I don't <- what do you mean?

    Does sky of angels left our land <- "did sky of angels leave our land" ?

    Saw everywhere I only jungles, <- needs restructuring

    A jungle which I had not notice before <- noticed

    Realize that angels don't come to selfish. <- meaning?

    Since when he lost his altruism better than angels? <- could be restructured?

    thanks
    PB

  28. #28
    Jedi knight Luke Skywalker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Punch Bala View Post
    I am not big into poetry but the concept seems good.
    but a few things can you explain?

    1.Realise I what observe I don't <- what do you mean?

    2.Does sky of angels left our land <- "did sky of angels leave our land" ?

    3Saw everywhere I only jungles, <- needs restructuring

    4A jungle which I had not notice before <- noticed

    5Realize that angels don't come to selfish. <- meaning?

    6Since when he lost his altruism better than angels? <- could be restructured?

    thanks
    PB
    1. I edited it. That was a mistake in typing.
    2. Thanks. I changed 'does' to 'had'.
    3. Help me on that. Would 'everywhere I saw only jungles' is right.
    4. Thanks.
    5. It means that angels don't truck with selfish. Here by angels I mean nature gifts like birds , animals e.t.c.
    6. I meant to say that humans were better than angels.
    Last edited by Luke Skywalker; 14th August 2009 at 09:06 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

  29. #29
    Jedi knight Luke Skywalker's Avatar
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    My fourth Poems:

    Confrontations & Realisations of Mine

    Confronted by questions once I was,
    Why should I speak the truth?
    Why should be honest?
    Why should I fight for justice?
    Why should be an altruist?

    Confronted I always have been by questions,
    Why should I have ethics?
    What is the harm in not having them?
    What is there to gain by them?
    Why should I follow the paths of adversity?

    Decided that follow the company of my fellows unquestioningly,
    But one day while observing nature's creations,
    I started to feels their glory and sacrifice,
    Saw I sun ending its life to give light,
    Sky at unattainable heights.

    Struck by realisation I was that day,
    Matched I have to not my fellows but sun and sky,
    Human glory have come & gone but it had survived.
    If my visions have to survived myself,
    then prepared my self like all visionary to sacrifice.

    PS: Copyright rules apply to this also as to all my previous poems.

    Reply whether anyone like it. Also I need criticism.
    Last edited by Luke Skywalker; 14th August 2009 at 11:15 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

  30. #30
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    3 Saw everywhere I only jungles, <- needs restructuring

    Quote Originally Posted by Luke Skywalker View Post
    3. Help me on that. Would 'everywhere I saw only jungles' is right.
    .
    that would be good and correct in prose but in your poem I think

    "everywhere, only jungles I saw" would work very well there.

    -PF

  31. #31
    Jedi knight Luke Skywalker's Avatar
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    India Wins Freedom

    Sixty-two years ago we got Independence,
    Start of a new chapter in our history it was.
    For first time since centuries we were free,
    Free to walk on our own destiny path.

    See we can in eyes of other again,
    Seen we were walking tall again.
    For a fallen nation had rose again,
    For taken rebirth had our nation.

    Passed much water had since then,
    Passage through time had blurred memories.
    But sparks of that moment had still there,
    Burning in the deep abyss of hearts of ours.

    Forget if we spirit of our heroes,
    Fall is assured of our rising force.
    Refreshed we should those ideals,
    Recall we should that invincible spirit.

    Differences of our should never divide us,
    Bring opposition should light and diversity.
    Promise to never let our nation fall again,
    Promise to safeguard the freedom ever.


    PS: Like all previous poems of mine, copyright issues which apply are here same.

  32. #32
    Sid
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    Nice One L.S.

  33. #33
    Platinum Member mickey's Avatar
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    Great one L.S..
    rep karna ka dil karta hai kabhi kabhi...
    job takes the child away.

  34. #34
    Dragon
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    Quote Originally Posted by mickey View Post
    rep karna ka dil karta hai kabhi kabhi...
    :lol: This is funny

  35. #35
    Jedi knight Luke Skywalker's Avatar
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    All criticisms are welcome. I need them to improve my style. This poem is full of refrains. In fact it is a nursery rhyme by me for Indian students. I want to change last two lines. Please somebody help me.

    My sixth poem:
    Define Freedom No One Can

    Define freedom no soul ever can,
    Exists it,
    When without fear opine which hurt none can,
    When equality exists in not some places but all ,
    When provided same opportunity is for all.

    Define freedom no soul ever can,
    Exists it,
    When no dividing factors exist can.
    Like color , race , caste , gender ,religion,
    Like creed , sect , birth , disease , region.

    Define freedom no soul ever can,
    Freedom humanity can attain fully never can.
    Struggling for freedom is sign of humanity itself,
    Your freedom will be achieve by your own self.

    Define freedom no soul ever can,
    Involve changing perception it can.
    When you look on somebody define him human,
    When making rights believe every as human.

  36. #36
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    good poem. let me see if I can review the last two lines.

    for now "everyone is human" is correct in the last line.

    -F

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