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    Wink Flirting the Indian way...

    Hi,

    To make it short, I'm not Indian. Anyone could help enlightening me on the question how serious you have to take it, when an Indian guy is flirting with you? How do these things work in India?

    Cheers
    M_J

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    can you put up your question once again please, i never heard anything like serious flirting

    If guy is flirting then obviously he is looking for his own joy and someone to date. If you are looking for a long time relationship then its better to check him out for few dates before getting in to relation.
    otherwise if you are just looking for some time pass date dating then go for it :thumbup1:

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    Don't know if you can call that flirting, more like being in contact with that person, he talks to you very nicely promising you loads of things... and then doesn't fulfill them... Normal?
    Not quite sure how to explain what I mean. Is it clear?

    Apart from the fact that I had the impression that quite a lot of guys were nearly "running after me", more than I'm used to from other parts of the world.

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    Quote Originally Posted by M_J_82 View Post
    Apart from the fact that I had the impression that quite a lot of guys were nearly "running after me", more than I'm used to from other parts of the world.
    quite normal reaction in India if you happen to be a single young foreign female with fair skin.
    Earth, Wind, Fire, Water, Consciousness.

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    Eurasian but they don't mean it really serious, do they? Or is this the normal way to express feelings?

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    In case of most of them, they are just following the conditioned belief that foreign girls are "easy".
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    "Easy" in what sense?

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    Quote Originally Posted by panchabhut View Post
    In case of most of them, they are just following the conditioned belief that foreign girls are "easy".
    I disagree
    Please don't talk about an individual, talk about the community after keeping law of average in mind. May be such people are available but everyone is not same.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Luke Skywalker View Post
    why is my answer not visible?

    You can see this in spy.
    its not visible coz its already been deleted, now don't put it in quotes.

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    Quote Originally Posted by M_J_82 View Post
    "Easy" in what sense?
    Note that Indians are very straight laced in the matter of girl-boy relationship, dating, sex, etc. Boys and girls do not mix socially in India as much as in the west. Things are changing but there is still an "old fashioned" idea about the whole gammut.

    Even friendly touching is rare between boys and girls, let alone a peck on the cheek. Any behaviour like that and Indians do assume the wrong meaning. A girl casually taking a guy's arm will make the guy think that there is "more to come". And an Indian girl will be quite uncomfortable with similar behaviour from guys.

    Also books, fiction, novels, movies, TV soaps, etc. have created the impression that flirting, dating (and sex) is just part of the normal life and very casual, no wooing involved, one-night stands, etc. This is not the case, I know. But just like, many people in west believe that India is a people of snake charmers and fakirs sleeping on a bed of nails, this is the perception. Did you know that an American asked me "how many tigers were present (in the wild) in the city where I lived?" - and he was not jesting.
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    Could you explain this a bit more detailed please?

    Note that Indians are very straight laced in the matter of girl-boy relationship, dating, sex, etc.

    Boys and girls do not mix socially in India as much as in the west. Things are changing but there is still an "old fashioned" idea about the whole gammut.

    Erm, American can be fools, especially when it comes to knowledge of other countries. I experienced that myself...

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    Quote Originally Posted by M_J_82 View Post
    Could you explain this a bit more detailed please?

    Note that Indians are very straight laced in the matter of girl-boy relationship, dating, sex, etc.

    Boys and girls do not mix socially in India as much as in the west. Things are changing but there is still an "old fashioned" idea about the whole gammut.

    Erm, American can be fools, especially when it comes to knowledge of other countries. I experienced that myself...
    OK.

    In India, the girls are brought up with lot of protection. They are not allowed to mix freely with the boys. Guys expect their brides to be virgins. India is a country where marriages are arranged. A girl who has pre-marital sex is considered promiscuous. In deep India, such a behaviour will lead to "most unfortunate" results. Girls are thus "protected" from guys.

    Outlook is slowly changing in urban India.

    Is it good or bad? I am not going into that debate.
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    I do know that marriages are arranged, but I've heard that it's not everywhere the case. I can't believe that all of you guys want your brides to be virgins...

    What does that mean "mix freely with the boys"? Still couldn't get the idea of straight laced in the matter of girl-boy relationship, dating, sex, etc.

    Sorry... I'm just interested

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    Quote Originally Posted by M_J_82 View Post
    I do know that marriages are arranged, but I've heard that it's not everywhere the case. I can't believe that all of you guys want your brides to be virgins...

    What does that mean "mix freely with the boys"? Still couldn't get the idea of straight laced in the matter of girl-boy relationship, dating, sex, etc.

    Sorry... I'm just interested
    Things are changing - today many boys/girls decide their own partners. Live-in relationships are also commonly heard in cities. But in rural India that is not the case.

    In India, boys and girls do not mix, as a general rule. I am not talking about school/college - I mean socially. I cannot explain more clearly, sorry.

    And girls having relationships with boys before marriage is completely frowned upon to the extreme. That is what I meant by "straight laced". No dating, kissing, smooching, 1st base, 2nd base, 3rd base or Home runs, before marriage.
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    ^^ basically guys dont spend time with girls that often (but thats changing).

    guys hangout with guys and girls stay with their own group. not much interaction.

    even when there is, people start thinking too much and blow it out of proportion ...

    Quote Originally Posted by just4kix View Post
    , 1st base, 2nd base, 3rd base or Home runs, before marriage.
    lol never seen anything like that
    Last edited by rajan1310; 26th August 2009 at 11:35 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

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    Ok, I think I start getting the idea of it

    So I got the "special treatment" for foreigners then? Foreign girls are "easy" (or easier) to get? Was that what you wanted to say?

    On my last day in Mumbai I went to a disco, a friend of mine (not Indian, but a guy), an Indian friend and other friends of the latter... I felt a bit strange as they rarely talked to me, although they knew that my friend and I weren't a couple.

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    In India, even if a boy and a girl are emotionally involved for two/three years, they are not supposed to get physically involved till they get married. (at least thats what the society expects from them). But such social norms are not there in western countries.
    Earth, Wind, Fire, Water, Consciousness.

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    ^^ Trends are changing

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    only in the Metros.

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    Quote Originally Posted by M_J_82 View Post
    Ok, I think I start getting the idea of it

    So I got the "special treatment" for foreigners then? Foreign girls are "easy" (or easier) to get? Was that what you wanted to say?

    On my last day in Mumbai I went to a disco, a friend of mine (not Indian, but a guy), an Indian friend and other friends of the latter... I felt a bit strange as they rarely talked to me, although they knew that my friend and I weren't a couple.
    Indians are not comfortable when dealing with the opposite sex. That is all.

    And about "being easy": As I said, that is a perception.

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    Quote Originally Posted by just4kix View Post
    Indians are not comfortable when dealing with the opposite sex. That is all.

    And about "being easy": As I said, that is a perception.
    lets say Most of the Indians are not comfortable when dealing with the opposite sex. I am also Indian and never feel that way

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    Thanks for your explanations. Sound as if I should return and experience it a bit on my own

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    Quote Originally Posted by M_J_82 View Post

    Apart from the fact that I had the impression that quite a lot of guys were nearly "running after me", more than I'm used to from other parts of the world.
    You will defiantly find a lot of Indians going after girls, especially foreigners and they will try to flirt a lot. I mean if they had the chance they would just grab you, but other case if they cant do anything all they do is STARE, like they have never seen a girl before!

    Flirting can be done in a wrong way by some, as I would say some do as they would generally interested in you and otherwise you know the obvious reasons!

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    I was waiting for your post preeti

    This is correct that guys stare white girls like anything but why you are not talking about the other set of guys who just pass by without giving any damm to white/black/brown any race (here i am talking about some decent guys)

    I think if we put up the bad side of our society then showing the other better part also is our duty.

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    Erm, I must say I attracted the views of everybody, women, men, kids... but I didn't find it as uncomfortable as being stared at by Latinamerican men... In contrast to Latinamericans, Indians still have kind of respect in that sense.

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    Quote Originally Posted by smoothvibes View Post
    I was waiting for your post preeti

    This is correct that guys stare white girls like anything but why you are not talking about the other set of guys who just pass by without giving any damm to white/black/brown any race (here i am talking about some decent guys)

    I think if we put up the bad side of our society then showing the other better part also is our duty.
    oh come off it smoothy, no matter where you go a guy in India will always look at a girl in the wrong way, I eat the fact that any man would not look at a girl in a rude way and just look as in general!

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    Quote Originally Posted by smoothvibes View Post
    I was waiting for your post preeti

    This is correct that guys stare white girls like anything but why you are not talking about the other set of guys who just pass by without giving any damm to white/black/brown any race (here i am talking about some decent guys)

    I think if we put up the bad side of our society then showing the other better part also is our duty.
    other set of guys as in "gay"

    just kidding mate...

    Yeh more posh the place less the stares.. it really depends what kind of crowd you are sorrounded by..

    Quote Originally Posted by M_J_82 View Post
    On my last day in Mumbai I went to a disco, a friend of mine (not Indian, but a guy), an Indian friend and other friends of the latter... I felt a bit strange as they rarely talked to me, although they knew that my friend and I weren't a couple.
    Couple of otherwise ... most guys would tend to kind of stay away from a female accompnaid with a friend of their as a majority would take offence if one of their friends would eye up their female companion... its that "thing" it doesnt matter if you were a couple of not its considerd to be polite to behave like that... but it really depends what sort of crowd it is you cannot generalise as India is such a diverse country..

    Here in North Indian (talking about middle class families) say for instance a family visits your place ... you would have men sitting in the living room having a drink or just a cup of tea and females in one of the bedroom talking about whats going on in the neighborhood.. (not litrally)
    All in all you cant really get an exact idea by just exchanging views here on this forum or any other for that matter... You would have to mingle with the local and see it for yourself to get a good idea of the local customs and ways..

    Some one please correct me if I am wrong.
    Last edited by Admin; 27th August 2009 at 01:56 AM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

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    All in all you cant really get an exact idea by just exchanging views here on this forum or any other for that matter... You would have to mingle with the local and see it for yourself to get a good idea of the local customs and ways..

    Definitely true, it was just to get a veeery rough idea of the whole story Having lived in several countries for a couple of months/ years, I know that living in a country and traveling through a country is not at all the same...

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    you could actually pass of as Indian. Lots of Indian women look like you.

    -F

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    Quote Originally Posted by Punch Farce View Post
    you could actually pass of as Indian. Lots of Indian women look like you.

    -F
    and how do you know that :confused1:

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    Quote Originally Posted by smoothvibes View Post
    and how do you know that :confused1:
    I am psychic ;-) Let's see if she confirms my guess.

    -F
    what do you think? doesn't she look a bit Indian?


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    Quote Originally Posted by Punch Farce View Post
    I am psychic ;-) Let's see if she confirms my guess.

    -F
    what do you think? doesn't she look a bit Indian?

    :lol: Farce has visited her blog..You should join our IBF detective Gothic_Coder

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    Hehehehe, nobody ever told me I look Indian

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    Quote Originally Posted by M_J_82 View Post
    Hehehehe, nobody ever told me I look Indian
    No, Farce was trying to say that there are many girls in India who looks like you, if you are in the picture above.

    You can visit some states like assam, Mizoram, Arunachal pradesh, where you can find girls having similar looks as yours..

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    If lots of Indian woman look like me or if I look like lots of Indian woman is the same thing... unless I got something wrong But maybe I should just go there hehehe

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    Quote Originally Posted by M_J_82 View Post
    If lots of Indian woman look like me or if I look like lots of Indian woman is the same thing... unless I got something wrong But maybe I should just go there hehehe
    True up to some extent. You can say water is fluid, but all fluids are not water. Actually some Indians have got the looks of foreigners, and can be easily differentiated among other Indians, but they are too Indians. So if you will have Indian attitude, you can be treated like them.

    I think this is your first visit to India. India is full of different cultures, societies, religions, languages etc. having different moral and social values. Flirting has been taken on different senses as well.

    If you can specify your view about flirting then it will be easy for us. Mostly major Indian societies do not encourage flirting, they have negative opinion on flirting. But there are also many people who are comfortable with it.

    It seems like you are French or spent a lot of of time in France. I can guess you are talking about open relationship. Am I right?
    Last edited by neer001; 27th August 2009 at 05:16 PM.

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    Actually it was my first visit to India and I liked the trip pretty much. It's an amazing country. Really.

    And no, I'm (fortunately hehehe) not French, but I've been living here for a couple of years now. I'm half German, half Chinese (Malaysia).

    Quote Originally Posted by neer001 View Post
    If you can specify your view about flirting then it will be easy for us.
    Ermmm, what do you mean?

    I cant remember having mentioned something having to do with "open relationships"... What are you talking about exactly?
    Last edited by M_J_82; 27th August 2009 at 08:54 PM.

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    M_J_82 here are some of the topics which you may find interesting or the topics which can help you to get something new/more about Indian society

    http://www.indiabroadband.net/relati...ety-ready.html
    http://www.indiabroadband.net/relati...-marriage.html

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    Thanks, one of them I already read. Interesting.

    The kundli stuff seems to be very similar (if not the same) to the horoscope system over here.

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    Quote Originally Posted by M_J_82 View Post
    Hehehehe, nobody ever told me I look Indian
    Quote Originally Posted by neer001 View Post
    No, Farce was trying to say that there are many girls in India who looks like you, if you are in the picture above.

    You can visit some states like assam, Mizoram, Arunachal pradesh, where you can find girls having similar looks as yours..
    Quote Originally Posted by M_J_82 View Post
    Actually it was my first visit to India and I liked the trip pretty much. It's an amazing country. Really.

    And no, I'm (fortunately hehehe) not French, but I've been living here for a couple of years now. I'm half German, half Chinese (Malaysia).
    People from the North Eastern part of India have strong influence of Tibetan//Chinese/Thai culture due to geological effects. And your picture have a strong resemblance to many of them, possibly because you are also part-Chinese.

    You need to spend some more time in this country. May be you would not like to go out of it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by panchabhut View Post
    People from the North Eastern part of India have strong influence of Tibetan//Chinese/Thai culture due to geological effects. And your picture have a strong resemblance to many of them, possibly because you are also part-Chinese.
    I definitely want to see the Northeastern part

    Quote Originally Posted by panchabhut View Post
    You need to spend some more time in this country. May be you would not like to go out of it.
    Yeah, next time I want to see some other parts of India. Like Kolkata, the Himalaya and maybe some parts of the South. The country is so huge. Had just been to Rajasthan, Delhi, Mumbai, Agra and Varanansi....

    But before that I've to learn some Hindi I guess. Not everybody speaks English... Maybe I find a way to spend some time over there, like a couple of months or something

    Quote Originally Posted by Luke Skywalker View Post
    Am I allow to express my view ? I want to comment on something.
    Yeah, why not

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    Thread' is on Flirting the Indian way... not Indian Diversity or something else. DTIS

    Quote Originally Posted by M_J_82 View Post

    Yeah, why not
    There are boys in every culture who don't care about girls.
    Last edited by Luke Skywalker; 27th August 2009 at 08:09 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

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    Quote Originally Posted by Luke Skywalker View Post
    Thread' is on Flirting the Indian way... not Indian Diversity or something else.
    Sorry, still waiting for an answer of neer001...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by neer001 View Post
    If you can specify your view about flirting then it will be easy for us.

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    Quote Originally Posted by M_J_82 View Post
    Sorry, still waiting for an answer of neer001...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by neer001 View Post
    If you can specify your view about flirting then it will be easy for us.
    Thanks for considering my points and also Sorry for waiting so long.

    Flirting can be taken by many different ways. For Example some of them are (Following Definitions are taken from various sources with some alteration) :-

    -talk or behave affectionately, without serious intentions
    -(often with) to behave (towards someone) as though one were in love but without serious intentions
    -To make teasingly romantic or sexual approach.
    -It is a playful behavior intended to arouse sexual interest
    -It is a negotiation process that takes place after there has been some initial attraction.
    -It is much more than just a bit of fun: it is a universal and essential aspect of human interaction

    While some of the subconscious signs are universal across cultures, flirting etiquette varies significantly across cultures which can lead to misunderstandings. There are differences in how closely people should stand.
    In general conversation in India it is taken as seducing with his/her sex appeal to use/exploit men/women, hence it is not commonly encouraged in India.

    But the things are changing now. The new generation is rethinking about old traditions which are continued through ages and adopting and merging latest thoughts.

    I can say flirting is a basic instinct, part of human nature. This is not surprising: if we did not initiate contact and express interest in members of the opposite sex, we would not progress to reproduction, and the human species would become extinct.

    Now come to open relationship. It can be described in several ways:

    An open relationship is a relationship where one person does not own the other. The couples are not exclusively seeing each other and although sex is usually kept between the two, they can date, flirt and hook up with other people should they wish to do so. In a true open relationship the couple will be fully honest with each other.

    In a truly open relationship neither partner cheats on the other. Instead they have actively negotiated the boundaries of the relationship in terms of how they interface sexually and emotionally with others.

    There is no right or wrong in terms of how a couple decide to structure these boundaries – what’s important is that both parties are agreeable to and comfortable with whatever is decided.

    This is going off topic but I really wanted to get your points on above issues as you belong to a different culture and society. It is necessary for us so that we can help you in best ways and it may also help you to prepare yourself before involving on these.
    Last edited by neer001; 28th August 2009 at 10:53 PM.

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    I agree with your definition of flirting

    Quote Originally Posted by neer001 View Post

    There are differences in how closely people should stand.
    In general conversation in India it is taken as seducing with his/her sex appeal to use/exploit men/women, hence it is not commonly encouraged in India.
    So does that mean that just talking to the opposite sex is already considered seducing??? Isn't it possible just to have a normal conversation?

    Over here (Europe), talking to the other sex isn't anything special as long as you don't try to flirt with the person.

    Quote Originally Posted by neer001 View Post
    But the things are changing now. The new generation is rethinking about old traditions which are continued through ages and adopting and merging latest thoughts.
    What are the effects?

    Quote Originally Posted by neer001 View Post
    Now come to open relationship. It can be described in several ways:

    An open relationship is a relationship where one person does not own the other. The couples are not exclusively seeing each other and although sex is usually kept between the two, they can date, flirt and hook up with other people should they wish to do so. In a true open relationship the couple will be fully honest with each other.

    In a truly open relationship neither partner cheats on the other. Instead they have actively negotiated the boundaries of the relationship in terms of how they interface sexually and emotionally with others.

    There is no right or wrong in terms of how a couple decide to structure these boundaries – what’s important is that both parties are agreeable to and comfortable with whatever is decided.
    Honestly, the concept of what you call "open" relationship is kind of new for me. I know "normal" relationships over here, you are with your partner (either you live with him/her or you don't), have sex with him/her, but normally you also have the right to meet persons of the opposite sex, which usually does not include flirting (or more) with the other. The other form I know is "sex relationship", you have relations with a buddy or someone else, no emotions involved.

    I didn't really get why you described the concept of open relationships? Do you think that this is common in India or over here?

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    Quote Originally Posted by M_J_82 View Post



    So does that mean that just talking to the opposite sex is already considered seducing??? Isn't it possible just to have a normal conversation?
    I don't agree with this.

    Flirting & talking is different for me.
    Last edited by Luke Skywalker; 28th August 2009 at 08:41 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

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    neer001 The last post you made here is a cocktail of wiki and urban dictionary ... the whole thing copied like for like...

    If you don't have anything to add to the thread please refrain from copy pasting stuff from other websites that too without mentioning that its copied and the source either..

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    Quote Originally Posted by Admin View Post
    neer001 The last post you made here is a cocktail of wiki and urban dictionary ... the whole thing copied like for like...

    If you don't have anything to add to the thread please refrain from copy pasting stuff from other websites that too without mentioning that its copied and the source either..
    It's not like copy paste. I just never figure out definitions on such subjects, just discussed with friends about it's effects. Those friends were from different places of the country from almost very broad minded backgrounds.

    So to make it clear to understand ( You know very well that this is taking negatively in general and I don't want to hurt someones feeling) I have searched for opinions from different places. I just wanted to figure out the specific definitions for different senses. That's all.

    I really did not wanted to feel anyone Embarrassed. If the survey is not allowed here then I will follow the rule.

    Thanks for informing me.

    Quote Originally Posted by M_J_82 View Post
    I agree with your definition of flirting



    So does that mean that just talking to the opposite sex is already considered seducing??? Isn't it possible just to have a normal conversation?

    Over here (Europe), talking to the other sex isn't anything special as long as you don't try to flirt with the person.
    Definitely not. Talking in friendly way to opposite sex is not seducing. Friendship with opposite gender is very common and most people take it as a healthy relationship in urban areas, specially in metros.

    Same is here but I wanted to know what is flirting you were talking and how it is being taken in European countries. I have given almost every definition I've found. Which one is your type?
    Last edited by neer001; 28th August 2009 at 10:50 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

  49. #49
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    Hi M J

    Anyone could help enlightening me on the question how serious you have to take it, when an Indian guy is flirting with you? How do these things work in India?

    It depends up on the person what he/she is thinking in his/her mind. It could be time pass or flirting or a genuine effort to woo a date. Here in the specific case its a bit difficult to say without much information but i believe my last statement will give some idea about reliability.


    On my last day in Mumbai I went to a disco, a friend of mine (not Indian, but a guy), an Indian friend and other friends of the latter... I felt a bit strange as they rarely talked to me, although they knew that my friend and I weren't a couple.
    One new reason others have not given could be: those guys might have been intimidated/overwhelmed by a foreign girl among them to talk on the first meeting itself. On the contrary it could also be like somebody said, they were respecting their friend's guest.

    more like being in contact with that person, he talks to you very nicely promising you loads of things... and then doesn't fulfill them... Normal?
    I think this is flirting as this guy is trying to impress you with this talk, and is trying to gather your attention by promising loads of things. Many times these are 'sweet nothings' which won't be followed up later. But i think one can find out how reliable is a person, by seeing whether they live up to their words or not..... be it in love or business or other transactions.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Admin View Post
    neer001 The last post you made here is a cocktail of wiki and urban dictionary ... the whole thing copied like for like...

    If you don't have anything to add to the thread please refrain from copy pasting stuff from other websites that too without mentioning that its copied and the source either..
    thanks for mentioning. I was beginning to get impressed by neer01's writings ;-)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Punch Farce View Post
    thanks for mentioning. I was beginning to get impressed by neer01's writings ;-)
    Come on Farce, I've already mentioned it that the definitions were taken from various places. Everyone uses his/her own resources, whether it is from books, visual or print media, friends, interaction with people, visiting places...etc.

    "One is not born a genius, one becomes a genius" -anonymous

    I'm not trying to impress anyone.

    Just sharing things to improve my own knowledge and others as well. This is my first forum I've ever joined so I apologize for my mistakes.
    Last edited by neer001; 29th August 2009 at 02:39 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by neer001 View Post
    Come on Farce, I've already mentioned it that the definitions were taken from various places. Everyone uses his/her own resources, whether it is from books, visual or print media, friends, interaction with people, visiting places...etc.

    I'm not trying to impress anyone.

    Just sharing things to improve my own knowledge and others as well. This is my first forum I've ever joined so I apologize for my mistakes.
    don't take it seriously, I am pulling your leg ;-)

    -F

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    Quote Originally Posted by Punch Farce View Post
    don't take it seriously, I am pulling your leg ;-)

    -F
    And you have broken my Heart.... :15:
    .
    .
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    Just kidding.:clown:

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    Quote Originally Posted by just4kix View Post
    Indians are not comfortable when dealing with the opposite sex. That is all.
    I think it is common not only in India but also in other oriental countries. But I agree that things are changing. We are not expected to be to strict and "pure" anymore, especially if we live in a big city.

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    wow..!! lot of opinions here..

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